Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Just a little update (long overdue maybe?!)

I know I haven't been on here in quite a while :(
Been spending a bit more time on twitter these days and trying to do a bit more positive stuff (by all means if you're on twitter you can find me at @fronbow).

Also been trying to get back into web development, slowly! Did my bro's website and still tweaking it, then decided to re-start my own website so I've been messing with that lol.

It's a WordPress blog as I wanted to test how it works and that! Though coming back here to find google've changed the UI - is it a coincidence that it feels a bit like a WP setup?!

I'm still debating whether to export my ramblings from here to there.

Other than that, still depressed - even more so cos it's my birthday on friday :(
Though I am getting a new phone cos my current one is dying rapidly - it's not holding any charge (even with a spare battery).

Hope you're all ok or as ok as can be, and if you want any web help I'm around as usual!


Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Feeling a lot washed out

It's been a while since I last posted, not really been in the mood for doing much. Although I have been trying to get out more.
My mood generally feels like it's a bit erratic at the moment which I'm putting down to the tablets? On the citalopram at least I can tell now that I was kind of coasting, I think that's a good thing, though I'm not sure.
In fact, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel, it's been that long now since I was "normal" for want of a better word.

Still having thoughts about what it must be like to be in a relationship, to have someone to share things with. But then would I or they be able to cope with this "strangeness" that is depression, let alone anxiety.

Met up with some pretty awesome Sheffielders lately which is always nice; hopefully it'll open my social circles a bit so that I'm less scared/anxious about going to places where anxiety usually stops me. I keep remembering how I used to "just go out" and inevitably bump into people, how different it is now :(

I think I'm a bit more organised now; got my phone calendar syncing with my Google Calendar so in theory I shouldn't miss appointments. Though I did miss one, but that was down to having a bad migraine and crashing out.

Still trying to find my creative side. Been trying to get my camera out more, but I seem to have lost the urge to play in 3D which is just a bit annoying - there's quite a few ideas I want to play out, but as soon as I fire up the software I forget how to use it and what to do :(

Feeling a bit old from the walking too, I seem to have developed a very tired, achy knee and ankle.

Judging from the above I guess I'm thinking a bit fragmented too, or maybe it's just that it feels ages since I posted anything of consequence. Hmmmm.

Oh, and finally got an appointment through for Urology so I might be able to stop being addicted to Codeine for the random kidney pains; and they might be able to help me get rid of the stones and the cyst. Yay!

Monday, 27 June 2011

ickle update

Hey all

Not really been myself these last few weeks which I'm putting down to the tablets. My mood seems to be all over the place a lot of the time, and my motivation is a bit hit n miss.

I'll get back on form soon hopefully, fingers crossed.

Saturday, 11 June 2011

Boots (the chemist) left me in disbelief recently

I've grown quite partial to their meal deals and their duck in hoisin wrap, but as I made my way to the till I saw it.

All the 'trash' mags were where you queue up, so you're bombarded by all these magazines telling you to diet (and not just women's mags, there was a few men's mags there too). Then, if you survive that onslaught and are waiting for the till number to be called, you get bombarded by sweet things (chocolate and such).

If I'd have had more time I would have tried to speak to the floor manager just to find out why they've set it up like that.

But if anyone is passing Boots on Fargate/High St in Sheffield then
  1. be wary if you want to purchase anything at the main tills
  2. see if you can find out any good reason for it
I would've expected better of Boots

Friday, 10 June 2011

Playing catchup

Hey all

I've been meaning to post all week but the days seem to have all merged into one :(
I'm now 2 weeks in to taking Sertraline and they don't seem to have made any difference, though I am getting different side-effects to the citalopram. Spent a few hours yesterday afternoon in the garden with my dad which was nice for us both - he's been more understanding lately.

Had some nice conversations on twitter -- I've been there quite a lot lately, in fact I seem to have made some nice 'friends' from Sheffield. They organise a pub crawl once a month called #cocktailcrawl which I said I would attend (BIG test for anxiety!). I've also been chatting with a fair few sheffield creatives/geeks which has opened up some possible social interactions.

So, despite feeling like I've spent far to much on the computer this week, it could have been my most productive week yet - we shall see!

Just getting ready to pick Ollie up

Hope you are all well and smiley :)

martin xx

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

A very small step

Not been up to much lately other than trying to cope with the reduction in tablets - which isn't going so well as I just seem to be sleeping all the time.

One thing which I did accomplish though is I overcame anxiety and managed to go somewhere without having to meet anyone outside. I amazed myself! Although it did help that I was knackered and needed a sit down and a drink! It also helped that I vaguely knew someone who was there.

That was on Sunday night, and I've pretty much slept since then :(

Although tonight I realised I've lost part of a back tooth so that needs sorting before I resort to stupid/drastic measures like last time - I pulled out one of my own teeth cos I was in that much pain :(

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Must. Do. Something.

After the emotion of yesterday, and the amount of shutting off from the world I did :( I think I need some serious help before I ruin everything around me, including me.

Had really bad dreams last night, to the point where again I was disorientated when I got up and had to check my arm to make sure it wasn't real :(

Just trying not to waste my morning catching up on all the silly facebook games, while feeling really anxious about phoning the doctor to see if I can see my nice doctor today and admitting I feel like I'm losing it all over again.

On a separate note, where did the sun go? Feeling a bit cold today.