I should've learned by now that when they say "You're lovely, but" that they're not interested and it's time to make my escape, but I don't. It makes me feel like I need to justify myself, so I try, and make a mess of things.
So then my self-esteem takes a massive knock, to the point where I quite literally hate my self and nothing makes sense. Least of all the other sex!
I just wish I could cope with being knocked back, but I can't at the moment because it makes me feel crap and amplifies the depressive thoughts.
Why do I hate myself so much when I've inadvertently made someone else feel insecure because I may have come on too strong. Is it me, depression, or something I'm not aware of yet.
This isn't 'emo', this is Real Life™
I'm a bit scared to go to bed now, because the negative thoughts are already eating away at me and I tend to think way too much away from the computer.
ho hum
You know, when I was still fragile and recovering, I didn't see anyone.
ReplyDeleteI felt ready to, but...
I don't know.
There is something about being on your own, and as lonely and isolating as it can be, one can find companionship in different ways.
I say work on building your self-esteem yourself, and then when you least expect, someone will find you and you will feel safe and secure, because you are within yourself xxx
Thanks Sia, I think sometimes my mind plays tricks on me and makes me think I need someone, but it just turns into another diversion or deviation from everything. Inevitably it becomes just one more thing to get depressed about.
ReplyDelete{{{hugs}}}
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