Depression; a curse and a blessing

So, I haven't posted anything for a few days. Not even been keeping up to date with tumblr, twitter, and cityville :( But the thing is, I've still been on the computer, just wasting away on games or reading random stuff.

I need to get out into the fresh air. Went to the park for an hour on Saturday with Ollie - we both managed an hour before collapsing! The walk home highlighted how weak I am at the moment too. Ollie got tired so I offered him a piggy back (he's 7 and weighs somewhere between 3 and 4 stone). I felt like my thighs were going to break and could only manage about 25 yards before I couldn't carry him anymore. I dread to think what I weigh at the moment. I usually weigh between 8 and 9 stone; the most I've ever been is 9.5 stone. It's just my metabolism and smoking probably doesn't help.

So, this is the curse of depression. I don't feel like eating most of the time, either that or the smell of food makes me feel sick. Though I am trying to eat at least 1 meal a day, and my mum n dad are making sure I get a proper meal. Gods only know what I'd be like if I was living on my own :( scary.

My personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired at the moment too, I'm afraid. These are common by-products of depression. For me, I think it's because I don't see my worth, and don't believe I'll ever meet someone to spend a bit of life with.
I nearly got Ollie to shave me on Saturday - it's good to let him do it cos he enjoys it and he's really careful and gentle. His mum thinks I'm mad for it, but I think it's good to give him little responsibility tasks!

The blessing part of depression is feeling more in tune with my emotions, and also feeling more human, more sociable. Even if I don't leave the house at the moment, except when Ollie's around. When I'm with Ollie, it's like I can't be overly depressed or anything because he needs me.

I'm feeling over anxious at the moment too which isn't helping. Just wish I knew why.

I also wish I could get this STORM stainless steel ring off my thumb cos it's getting a bit warm underneath, but it's stainless steel and my thumb knuckle seems to have got bigger. Not one of my better ideas to put it on my thumb - my fingers are too thin so it used to just fall off!

Need to get some positivity and try and take some control of my life again.