Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Being Human

Been feeling a bit flat lately, don't know why. And friendships have been on my mind a lot.
It's funny how people who you thought were friends so quickly become acquaintances and sometimes vice versa.

I'm not a nerd, I'm a geek => I do have some sociable knowledge/skills. But sometimes I wonder if I wear my friendships out sometimes?
So far in my life, it's always me that has to reinforce friendships, me that feels a need to continue them instead of letting them stagnate and become stale. Why?
  • Is it normal to have friends who you lose touch with?
  • Is it normal to have friends who you know very little about?
Lately I've become wary of wearing out my new friendships, wanting to meet too often, (selfishly?) wanting to be around others for company and to feel alive. Is it wrong that I want to know more about the amazing people around me, to feel like these could be the lasting friendships....friendships that really matter? And that it's not a convenience relationship for the other party as I often wonder about some of my "friendships" and acquaintances.
I know I'm a geek, good with anything technological, good with computers and the like and sometimes I feel like a means to an end for others.
That's how I feel about my little brother sometimes; he only really gets in touch when he needs my help, he doesn't really ask me how I am or how things are going. Which makes me wonder if this is my life - people know I'm good at x so only really get in touch when they know I can help, otherwise they're quite happy in their own bubble without me.

I'm going to stop now as I seem to be having lots of questions and doubts in my mind. gggrrr


  1. I think what you have written about, is something many of your readers will relate to.
    I know I certainly do.
    I often felt like the only time people wanted me, was when they needed something.
    And that is a hard place to be in.
    It effects our self esteem (negatively) and generally makes us feel crappy.
    I think that by initiating friendships with people who you feel more connected to, and who actually ask how you are is a great step.
    What also can help, is that when people say jump, we don't say, how high.
    Boundaries are not easy to initiate and often, we can feel incredibly taken for granted. And yet I don't believe-say family members- do it purposely, they have just got used to us not having boundaries.
    I hope I made some sense xxx

  2. Thanks Sia, yes you did make some sense :)
    I'm just hoping the new friendships I make, matter to the new friend as much as to me. I hate not having friends that call me as much as I call them. x

  3. i relate to this.
    you are not just good for help with things, you're a wonderful, caring individual.
    i for one am VERY lucky to be your friend.
    it's not wrong to use your friends to make you feel alive, that's what friends are for!!! you should maybe find some other vices, for when friends can't be there.
    anytime you need to meet for a drink let me know martin and if i can, i will.
    i hope you're okay

  4. Thanks Chantelle, for everything - you are a really good friend, I just feel like sometimes I may verge on wearing friendships too thin (or thinking that way) xx

  5. well with me and charlene i don't think that at all, if that helps a bit!
    maybe you should try and just BE. try not to worry about what you think of people and what people think of you and just be

  6. I really relate to what you're saying here, especially out how friends become acquaintances and vice versa - that has been on my mind a lot lately too.
    It is in no way selfish to want to meet with friends more often or to want to be around them to feel alive - i completely agree with chant; that is what friends are for :)

    I have been meaning to thank you (but didn't know how to send a message to you on here?) so very much for your continued support and words of encouragement to me on my blogs :) I really appreciate every word xxx

  7. LK, I'm just happy to help, and if you're on facebook, add me if you want (fronbow@gmail.com)