Thursday, 5 May 2011

A bit about me

Thought I'd post some snippets (may turn out to be more!) of information about me. I'm not sure why, other than feeling the need to share some of my soul with you.

I was born in the year of decimalisation, so I'm 1971 years younger than the current year (thanks Mike Skinner for that line!).
At school I was one of the few kids who didn't have a specific job in mind so I took gcse's that I liked (mostly arty stuff!!). Oh, and I was in the first year of gcse's and they were bloody hard then.

Surprisingly I don't have many of the views and values of my family; I formed my own opinion of the world around me at an early age, suffice to say I don't have any racist or small-minded-ness that my family seem to suffer from.

When I was 15 I got beat up and still have a fairly big scar on my thigh to remind me - I also have the mental scar of being scared?afraid of large groups of people if I'm alone. (There wasn't any reason why I got beat up, just in the wrong place at the wrong time)

Up until the age of 21 I had a strawberry birthmark on the back of my head. I was forced or coerced into having it removed by my doctor, my family, and my girlfriend at the time. I had plastic surgery to remove it, and still have a scar that's visible when my hair is short.

At some point between 21 and 22 my girlfriend at the time started cheating on me with my manager which really messed me up. When we split up I didn't know who I was anymore so ended up self-harming. Fortunately or unfortunately as the case may be, I used a scalpel to carve pictures in my arms. This was ongoing for a while, and got to the point where I didn't trust myself to be around sharp pointy things. Then one day I was in a book shop and a book called out to me. The Power of the Witch by Laurie Cabot.
I read this book many times and I truly believe it found me because I needed it. That's when I realised I was a Pagan and why the Christian teachings never made much sense to me.

I lost my job, which was a blessing as it forced me to rethink my path. So I took time out from work-life and went back to college. I did a year at college and met some amazing people before going on to University to do Software Engineering; where again I met some amazing people. Although sadly, there's only one real friend who stays in contact now, the rest are either acquaintances or further away than that.

The thing about going to University is that they don't prepare you for going (back) out into industry when you've finished, which often makes me wonder whether my depression started back then. (I graduated in 2000). I know a few others from my year that have been battling with depression as well.

In 2004 Ollie was born, or to give him his full name, Oliver Jake Rainbow Frost.
I think he's destined for great things because his birthdate is 8/2/4 which screams of magick to me!

In 2008 my world fell apart. I wasn't happy with my lovelife, my worklife, or anything for that matter other than Ollie. My ex- spent 2 weeks emotionally and mentally abusing me; nothing I did was good enough for her. I couldn't cope with anything and was diagnosed with depression.
And then not long after this, anxiety clouded my life too.

At some point I moved out of the family home and into a rented house. I managed to "survive" for between 6 and 9 months before the debts got the better of me and had to move back home. Other things happened while I was in that house, and it all feels a bit surreal now.

On 17th September 2010 I was dismissed from my job as a Web Developer at Sheffield Hallam University due to my mental health. I fought the dismissal up until December when I just lost all motivation to carry on.

I'm still living at my mum n dad's, in a kind of limbo while I try and sort my life out slowly.

I pick Ollie up from school on a Friday and his mum picks him up Saturday teatime, that's my routine (other than taking the various medicines).

Recently I've been wondering if computery things is the right career path for me, or has depression opened up some new insights...I'll ponder on this and maybe post tomorrow...


  1. I love this post. Its so nice to get more of an insight into who you are and what has made you the person you have become.

  2. Thank you Charlene, I think we all need to do this sometimes even if it's to remind us where we've been to better understand which path to take next (if that makes sense)

  3. I think that when adversity comes our way, we can either embrace it, or allow it to destroy us. Obviously the latter is the 'easiest' way to fall. But to fight, and to use such valuable insight to help you, is amazing and you should feel very proud of yourself xxx