Tuesday, 17 May 2011

I seem to be Invisible again.

I'm pretty sure I've turned invisible again. Was in maplin's having a teeny tiny bit of retail therapy (bought a usb tv stick so I don't have to rely on the internet for citv when Ollie's here!). I was stood in the queue for a good 10mins and it felt like everyone else was getting served and not me.
Then this asian bloke jumped the queue but luckily the lad on the till saw me.
Other than that, I don't think anyone in town saw me, I was just drifting.

On a side note, I don't think I'm coping with the reduced dose of anti-depressants, my mood has seriously shifted along with my sleep pattern. I was wide awake till 5am this morning, then got up around 10am. Just hoping the walk into town has tired me out so I might get to bed at a more human time tonight cos I don't fancy being nocturnal again, especially when I can't smoke.


  1. When do you see your doctor Martin?
    I would trust your feelings with the medication...
    I also think that often when we feel vulnerable, we show vulnerability and that is easily abused and may be why you feel you are 'invisible.'

    Be good to yourself, okay xxx

  2. I'm not scheduled to see her for a few weeks, and I don't really want to prolong this hell for longer than I have to :(
    She seems to think trying the other tabs might help me better as the highest safe dosage she's allowed to prescribe is 125mg. It's just the hell of having to wean my brain off citalopram I have to go through :(

    I'm trying to be good to myself, it's just not easy at the moment; typical depression thoughts all day - low self esteem, low value of myself, constantly questioning whether I'm 'safe' around people - not in a bad way, more in a 'not getting too close to only be let down' kind of way.

    This does feel like I've started again, gone back in time to 2008 - even the month is right.

    I need a diversion, somehow

    Thank you for your wise words as always